Tinder Date Gone Wrong (FICTION)


Oh my god. I just met the worst man on Tinder. He smelled like body odor, and he definitely lied about his picture. I was some averagely good looking guy to walk in. Seriously, I don’t ask for much. Especially considering I’m an averagely good looking gal. By that I mean, average weight, average face,  with make up and the right outfit I’m probably more of a 7. But usually I’m a 6. So what’s wrong with wanting to meet another fucking 6? Or a 5?


But damn, the man who walked in was fat. I don’t mean grotesquely fat, but fat enough to make me look at him and assume he was not the man I swiped right on. Not to mention his hair? Fly away curls and a pedo mustache, with beady little eyes, and he was wearing gym clothes. When he said my name, I nearly fucking threw my phone at his face.


“Rachel?” he asked. Honestly if this uggo hadn’t said my name, I would’ve dismissed him as bar trash.


“Uh, yeah?” I looked up from my phone and gave him a once over.


“It’s me, Jake?” he smiled this pathetic little smile, so hopeful.


“Oh god,” I got up off the barstool and walked over to him, “Seriously?”


“Yeah, wow you look so pretty,” he gushed.


Of course I did, too him a bale of hay wearing a thong would look beautiful. But I did dress up for what I expected to be an average guy. Not a below average guy. And before you get on me for hating his weight, I have no qualms with someone who has a few extra pounds, being a bit chubby myself. Only difference is, I am totally honest about my fatness with people, from the get go.


He wasn’t.


I’m sure if he tamed his hair, shaved the pedo stache, and dressed better, I would’ve not even had a thought about it.


But oh my god.


“Thanks,” I said shortly.


“Shall we get a table?” he asked. He looked so nervous, and in that moment I wondered if this was even the right person.


“Yes,” I followed him to a table in the corner of the secluded bar, and he asked me what I wanted for a drink.


“PBR,” I said, he smiled at me with this dorky grin and walked away. I sat there on my stool wondering if I could go through with this. Jake had lied, and while liars can be fun, this lie just showed lack of confidence.


The night went on without much else worthy of noting. Until it was time for us to go home. By now I had a few in me, and he actually looked worse through my beer goggles. Still, I touched his shoulder coyly and whispered in his ear about how he should come back to my place for a few more drinks.


I never go back to their place.


He was excited to say the least and when I told him it was within walking distance he almost jizzed in his pants as I pulled him outside by his meaty hand and lead him down the barely lit sidewalks, no one else around in the dead of the night. The town is so small that it was like we were in our own warped universe and his dopey smile lit up his face like a melting wax candle.


I pulled him onto a secluded side street. Barely any lights on in the houses, and turned to face him. There under a street light I pulled him close and kissed him. He tasted like beer and chinese food. I have no idea why the fuck he tasted like chinese food. But I soldiered on and wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in.


That fat fucker got hard from a kiss on the street. Gross.


“Wow,” I pulled away and smiled my best smile, “You’re such a good kisser,”


“I...I am?” he asked.


“Yeah, but let’s save the rest for my place, I’m right on this street,” I winked and took his hands in mine again, pulling his dazed little horny self down the street.


“Hey you went to MAU high school, right?” I asked.


“Yeah, I did,” he nodded, “Did you?”


“Did you know a Sandy Newton?” I asked. I felt his hand twitch for a moment, and when I turned to look at him, his beady eyes had widened slightly, but his expression remained the same.


“No, I don’t think so,” he whispered.

“Oh, she went there around the same time you did,” I continued pulling him down the street, using my hand to guide him.


“Oh, well I kept to myself,” Jake explained, “So I might not recognize her name,”


“Sure, sure,” I smiled to myself and hummed a small tune as we continued on in silence.


“So are we almost there?” his voice was small now.


“Yeah,” I stopped in front of the abandoned house.


“This is it?” Jake asked.


“This is it,” I tugged his hand but when I looked back he was frozen to the spot, staring at it with his beady eyes and a frown on his face.


“Uh, Rachel, this is an abandoned house and uh…” he couldn’t finish his sentence.


“Sandy Newton’s old address before she went away to college and her family moved to another town,” I finished it for him.


“What the fuck?” Jake tried to tug his hand away but I gripped it.


“She’s a beautiful girl still Jake,” I said, “Way prettier than me, probably why you couldn’t have her the way you wanted her,”


“I said I didn’t know who she was!” Jake begged, he tugged again but I pulled forward with all the strength I had and he stumbled towards me. I threaded my hand in his flyaway curls, getting a good grip on him and pulling as hard as I could until we were close enough to be kissing.


“Liar,” I breathed, Jake was shaking and trying to get away but I tugged harder and he let out a high pitched squeal.


“PLEASE!” He was screeching now, so I slammed my hand over his mouth, cursing about my unpreparedness.


“Come on,” I breathed and dragging him into the yard, we struggled but my grip on his hair made him comply with me, all while whining like a baby. I finally got him into the house where I threw him on the floor, it was difficult. He landed with a thud on his knees and that’s when I pulled out the gun.


“Jake,” I said, “You’re going to stay here for awhile,” I smiled sweetly at him and he immediately froze, putting his hands above his head, “I need you to understand the pain you put my friend through when you fucking raped her,”


“What?” Jake looked alarmed and he let out another moan, “First Jakey, throw your phone on the floor,” I snapped.


Jake moved quickly, “Hold on, please don’t shoot,” reaching into the pocket of his gym shorts and throwing his phone at my feet.


“Thank you,” I whispered, bending down to pick it up, then, keeping the gun on him I reached into my bulky purse and pulled out a bottle of water, “Now drink this Jake,”


Jake looked at me funny, “Why?”


“Jake, I’ve got a gun trained on your fucking head, just drink the water. I wanted to drug you at the bar but I never would’ve gotten your fat ass here all by myself,”


Jake’s beady eyes widened and he took the water ouf of my hand and drank slowly, looking at me with his green eyes as he did so.


“Faster,” I whispered, not breaking the eye contact, he took another huge gulp and I watched as he put the empty bottle down, keeping my gaze as his eyes slowly started to close and soon he was slumped over. That is when I managed to drag him to Sandy’s old bedroom, where he did it, and tie him to her old bed, the only thing left in the room. I used handcuffs. Gotta make sure it hurts when he pulls too hard. Ankles and wrists, so he was splayed out, just like she was. Then I put the duct tape over his mouth.


“I’ll be back,” I whispered.


As I was leaving that old house, I got a text on my phone from Sandy.


Sandy N: omg...worst thing just happened Rach, can I call u?


Me: yeah of course.


My phone lit up, and I answered it with a grin, wanting to tell her about how my tinder date went so bad and the guy was so ugly but all I heard was her crying.


“I just got a text from Jake Westercher!” she sobbed.


“How did he get your number?” I asked alarmed, really wondering how he got to his phone, I looked back at the house and felt my heart pounding.


“I never changed it,” Sandy explained, “and he had it way back then, and he just sent me a message asking if I was free, why the fuck would he want to see me again Rachel??”


“Is he around you or something?” I asked, still staring at the house. Reaching for my purse, I felt the inner pocket where Jake’s phone was still there.


“No, he just...he says he wants to talk about what happened in 12th grade Rachel,” she sounded so small.


“Oh,” I breathed deeply.


“I never want to see him again,” she vowed, “I hate him so much,”


“I uh, I’m sorry Sandy” I said, “Does he have facebook? Or something? Did anyone have the same name as him? Could it be someone else?”


“He’s got a facebook, he looks exactly the same, blonde hair, and super skinny,”


“Shit,” I hissed.


“What?” she asked, “Is something wrong?”


“I just, feel for you,” I said quickly, “But what if it’s just someone with the same name?”


“I doubt that would be the case,” Sandy said, “There is only one Jake Williams,”


“Fuck,” I said.


This is all my fault then. For some reason, I got the names mixed up.


“What?” Sandy asked again.


“Look I have too go, another call is coming in and it’s my mom, can I call you tomorrow,  or go for coffee?””


“Uh sure?” Sandy said, “I’ll let you go..”


I hung up the phone and stared at it for a second.


Fuck. FUCK FUCK. I did something stupid. I don’t know how I got all these facts wrong. My mom always did say I don’t think when I get angry. I really don’t want to have to kill a random guy… I mean, unless he raped someone or something. This is all really fucking bad.



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