things my friends said to me

Nicknames are used to protect the annoying. 


Blue eyes: I'm surprised you're not dead yet, I'm only checking on you to make sure you don't become unhinged. I really worry. 

Me: Thanks for worrying?

Blue eyes: You're welcome. 


Crazy hair: This new job means you'll be closer to your mom! That's awesome!

Me: ....what does that have to do with anything?

Crazy hair: guys are close. 

Me: You know nothing about me and my mom. 

Crazy hair: I don't know... 


K-dizzle: Wait you got a job in Boston?

Me: Maybe, I'm not sure what I'm doing. 

K-dizzle: So you're leaving me?

Me: Not for long, just a year. 

K-dizzle: O

Me: I'm sorry. 

K-dizzle: I am chaining you to my fucking garage so you can't fucking leave again. 

Me: ...Okay. 


Me: K-dizzle, I'm staying in the area!

K-dizzle: I don't think we should be friends. 

Me: ...what?

K-dizzle: Yay

Me: what?

K-dizzle: You're staying in the area! Can you show me the route for the driving test next weekend. 

Me: (sighs internally) Sure. 



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