I like sounding sad sometimes, to people who don't know me well. Only in conversations. I'll say something out of the blue that captures their attention and makes them stop for a moment, going over what I just said. Sometimes they'll carefully ignore it. Sometimes they'll pick it up hesitantly and hand it to me as if scared I was telling them something sensitive an then I will laugh and asure them I am not bothered.
My life circumstances create a sad story. The boy who wouldn't let me meet his friends, and only brought me to secret locations so we could hook up? He wouldn't even clean out his passenger seat. The worst part? I did this. I let him treat me that way until it all came to an explosion worthy of an even sadder story.
Or the girl who compared me to her previous lover? Telling me I would never be good enough, I would always be one step behind.
There was one or two nice boys I don't talk about. They fell asleep with me after long conversations, and liked to walk around taking photographs or laughing at movies. They never lasted long, and we remained friends.
But I still like the laugh it gets when I crack a joke about being such a sad girl.