Invisible

I sit in the corner of my office, and no one seems to notice I am there. Conversations fly over my head, and no one so much as glances in my direction. Even my own boss tends to see right through me, even when I walk in the room. 

 

They are talking about the group of friends they managed to make, the ones that I don't know, the ones I can't know. 

 

One girl made it so I would purposely be left out and at times like this, where she says, "all our friends" and then shoots me a glance, that I feel the absence of friends. 

 

Then my dad even states, "You've got no friends in Bennington," like he knows, and he thinks it's funny, as he is driving me home because once again I refrained from eating today. I don't say anything, I just look out the car window and think about how it's true. How her plan worked and how I'm tired and depressed all the time when I am stuck here. 

 

I think of how my actual friends are slowly forgetting I exsist as well. 

 

They're lives fill up with boyfriends and new friends, and when we have plans they get cancelled and soon messages go unanswered. I'm reminded that once again I am invisible, slowly fading from everyones life, and no one has noticed. Not one person. 

 

If I don't talk to someone, they just forget that I am real. 

 

I am fading, I'm leaving no imprint anymore. My footsteps barely make any noise. 

 

I might have brightly colored hair, but that doesn't make people turn. I might make statements and even crack a joke, but people just don't seem to hear it. No one. 

 

No one hears me crying out for help, because they figure I am being overly dramatic. No one seems to recognize my insane attempts at gaining attention, the flailing and desparate turns my mind begins to take. Not even the people closest to me seem to understand that I am sick of being so invisible and unimportant, and I am beginning to seek solace in even the lowest crevice, because my friends don't want to do anything. 

 

I'm drowning and there's a lifeboat, but it doesn't want to come rescue me. It's to busy with better passengers and more exciting opportunities. 

 

Even if I killed myself, I don't think anyone would remember my name long enough to whisper it on their lips in stunned sadness in regret. I'd be another dead body buried in the ground, turning cold and fading from memories faster than now where I am in the flesh. 

 

Is Heaven even real? 

 

I would probably be stuck in purgatory, God and the Devil himself not remembering I was waiting to be told where to go. 

 

So how much longer before someone notices me flailing over here? I can stop myself from doing something insane. 

 

I hate feeling this way because the actions I took suddenly run off into another path and I find myself flipping the script. 

 

I'm just invisble, I don't even know if anyone can see this post. 

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Comments (3)

  1. dincali

    the way you write is amazing….i can’t tell whether i want to hug you and hold you, or laugh with you through the tears. even in depression, you have a writing gift. okay enough of that!!! snap out of it, and stop..STOP feeling so sorry for yourself. pity doesn’t wear well, on even the most articulate person.
    Go find something new to pursue. Join a group, take acting lessons…better yet, go back to school and cultivate this writing skill.
    and then, write a story about a depressed girl, who got her shit together, and wrote a best seller!
    only you can change your fate. make the change.

    May 17, 2017
  2. infinite_ronin

    I’m not there. I don’t know where you place me on your friendship scale. Not particularly high I’d imagine and tightly so. But I do check hangouts sometimes to see if you’ve said something. You’re not invisible to me if that carries meaning

    May 17, 2017
  3. justmimi

    I can or could relate……..at some point I stopped caring and got use to it and now I like it,,I have moments where I do feel left out and want to be apart but then I figure it must be for a reason so don’t bother. I agree with the first comment, you write so well and I hope you start to feel whatever will make you happy

    May 22, 2017