family quotes

My sister: "Becky, you've got a nice ass, I don't,"

Me: ...


Mom's boyfriend: When your mom asked me to fix your laptop I used that as an in to get her to like me again by offering Christmas presents. 

Me: It worked too..

Mom's boyfriend: yep. 


My sister: Are we going to get in trouble for sneaking out and taking the car?

Me: How else are they going to get gas in their car, they never remember!


Mom: I'm not used to seeing you in the car. 

Me: That doesn't mean you should throw soda at me. 

Mom: I just thought that was funny. 


My mom's boyfriend: I think it's hilarious that your mom used to babysit my best friend when I was a kid. She probably saw me as a baby and went, "I choose that one, to date when he's older," 

Me: Are you suggesting my mom was a pedophile?

My mom's boyfriend: No she didn't like me til I hit 28!

Me: ... 


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