My sister: "Becky, you've got a nice ass, I don't,"
Mom's boyfriend: When your mom asked me to fix your laptop I used that as an in to get her to like me again by offering Christmas presents.
Me: It worked too..
Mom's boyfriend: yep.
My sister: Are we going to get in trouble for sneaking out and taking the car?
Me: How else are they going to get gas in their car, they never remember!
Mom: I'm not used to seeing you in the car.
Me: That doesn't mean you should throw soda at me.
Mom: I just thought that was funny.
My mom's boyfriend: I think it's hilarious that your mom used to babysit my best friend when I was a kid. She probably saw me as a baby and went, "I choose that one, to date when he's older,"
Me: Are you suggesting my mom was a pedophile?
My mom's boyfriend: No she didn't like me til I hit 28!