quotes from coworkers

Elyse: The youth summit was dumb. Rachel: Because no one visited our table? Elyse: Yeah...

friend quotes 1

Me: We should really talk about these specific things (lists specific things) Friend: Talk about what though? Me: *shuts phone off, sleeps under table for a decade*

work quotes 1

Michelle (my new boss): So, how's life? Me: Good, tired though.  Michelle: (yawns) I know, I hear you there.  Me: Yeah.. Michelle: So, how's life? Me: ...

Fuck first loves.

My first love was a 17 year old girl wih eyes So blue you would swear you were flying when You looked into them, and you never wanted to stop.  She spoke with intelligence seeping into the conversation And intoxicating you with compliments...

It will only hurt for a minute.

"Why did you make me love you, if you couldn't love me back? If you had no intention of loving me back?" "I had to try, to give it a chance, it is you after all,""

Holding On

I need some advice about A girl I met on a website who Told me from the beginning that She has problems, big ones.    I need some advice about,  A friend who got mad because I was mad at someone else And then said I should buy...

Weeds Quotes 4

"I had my last baby when I was 52, the women in my family, they bleed forever,"  "How old are you?" "Thirty seven," 

Weeds Quotes 3

"You're wearing armor,"  "Well you can never be to careful,"  "And you're smoking..."  "Well, sometimes you can,"

Weeds Quotes 2

"Do you know why I never had children?" "Because you'd eat them? And children are super fattening?" 

Weeds Quotes 1

"Why is armageddon always coming down on me?" "You do it, you know that? You have to know that it's all you," 

Driving around in the rain

Michael: Here let me help you steer.  Me: Go suck a dick.  Mom (sober): HA! Michael: You talk like your sister.  ____________________________________________________________________- Many drinks later for mom.  Me: Michael, go suck a...

picture looking

Eleanor: Are you looking at that picture from when you were a tot, Becky? Me: I was 12. 

Actual quotes that happen to me part whatever

*walk into a bar* Mom: I thought you said they do karaoke here? Me: I think the regulars are scowling at me.  Michael: This place is here? Mom: There's no karaoke.  Me: I don't know what I want to drink, they're all staring at me.  ...

Actual Quotes that happen to me part 7

*In an empty bar on the phone* Me: I have to call Zoe.  Mom: I thought you two weren't talking.  Me: SHHH.  Zoe: Hello? Mom: OH SHIT THE LESBIAN ONE  Me: Hi is Zoe there? Zoe: This is her, hi Rebecca! Mom: MICHAEL IT'S THE...

Actual Quotes that happen to me part 6

Me: Mom I think I know why she's mad at me.  Mom: Do you want sloppy joes? Me: I'm sorry I called you a bigot? Mom: Lets go to the mall.  Me: I have issues with my ego sometimes.  The News Comes on Focusing on Trump and immigration...

Actual Quotes that happen to me part 5

Michael: I want to go to Burlington with your mom! Me: I'm sure she'd love that.  Michael: Then Canada, we'll have to get enhanced licenses.  Me: She'd like that trip too.  Michael: So get your licence before June, and then get it...

phone conversation quotes part 4

Zoe: Is this Rebecca? Me: Who is this? Zoe: It's Zoe Me: Zoey? Zoe: Yeah, you texted me? Me: Wait, who are you? Zoe: Zoe.  Me: Zoey? Zoe: From okcupid? Me: OH MY GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND BUT YOUR VOICE CHANGED, HI!...

Actual Quotes that happen to me part 3

Amy (my sister in high school): I had winter break last week, I went out with my friend Grace.  Me: Oh yea, like spring break, they went down to Daytona Beach and did all the drugs.  Michael: Don't forget the beach boys! Me: The band? ...

Actual Quotes that happen to me part 2

Elyse from the back seat: I'm afraid of turning 23, that's the age no one likes you for some reason.  Rachel: That's true, there is that song saying no one likes you when you're 23.  *silence* Me: I'm 23.  Rachel: Well when is your...

Actual Quotes that happen to me part 1

Michael: Did you have fun last night? Me: No! Michael (Concerned): Why not? We went out and had fun! Me: I thought a victorian woman was going to beat me with a branch, in the middle of a panic attack Michael, I did not have fun last night. ...

nice sweater

"I like your sweater!" "I made it from cat hair, Big Wool doesn't want you to know cat hair is better,"